So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
