I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
