just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
