Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
