My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize