they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
