Me. At least after what I've been through.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
