tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
