I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
