I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
