1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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