Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
