Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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