well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
