someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
