and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
