i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
