You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
