Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
