I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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