My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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