ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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