Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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