"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize