I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
