I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
