I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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