you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
