It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
