trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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