i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
