Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
