Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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