....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
