You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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