Got a toothbrush?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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