Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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