At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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