he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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