just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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