I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
