FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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