So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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