Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
