He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
