Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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