You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
