The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
