he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
