I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
