please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
