if you like me you must not know who I am
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
