I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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