I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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