You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
