I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
