State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
