I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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