I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
