I accidentally had phone sex last night
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
