Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize