I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
