I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
