You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
