i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
