textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
