i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
