i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
