guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think my moral compass just broke
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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