How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
