Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
