I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
