You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
