I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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