I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
