please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
