everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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