Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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