Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
