i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
