when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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